The Spice of Not Playing the Game
Why being different isn't weird or wrong—it's cutting edge
Do you know that one person who thrives on chaos and drama? We all have one, and most of the time, it's hard to ignore them because there's always something. "Extra," as my niece would say.
You know the type—they're always at the center of some conflict, always have a story about who wronged them, always need you to pick a side. They wear you down with their constant need for validation and their endless cycle of manufactured crisis.
But here's what haunts me about these situations: How many of us get so caught up in keeping the peace that we lose ourselves in the process?
When the Peacemaker Is the Problem
I had a particularly difficult friend once. She was really great at telling everyone we should all get along and stop bringing the drama. The irony? She was also a big gossip, and along with that came all the issues she claimed to want to avoid.
Picture those group conversations where she'd position herself as the peacemaker while simultaneously stirring the pot. "I just think we should all be more supportive of each other," she'd say, right before launching into why someone else was being "problematic." The cognitive dissonance was exhausting.
I'm not into idle gossip or cattiness, so I slowly excused myself from that group. Polite declines to invitations. Shorter responses to group texts. The gentle art of strategic distance that anyone who's tried to preserve their sanity recognizes.
And that's when the weird began.
The more I moved away, the more I was tried to be pulled back in. Suddenly, there were "emergency" situations that required my opinions. Guilt trips about not being a "good friend." And then came the stories floating around about me—how I was being "distant" or "thought I was too good" for everyone.
Sound familiar?
The Two Ways This Always Goes
But here's what I realized: When you refuse to play the game and follow the crowd, one of two things happens—you are ignored and can go about your merry way, or you are viewed as a rogue troublemaker.
The funny thing about being labeled a troublemaker?
It's usually by people whose "peace" depends on your compliance.
Grandma’s Game-Changing Wisdom
When getting wind of the messages and the pressure mounts to "just go along to get along," I heard my grandmother's voice in my head:
"Someone else's opinion of you is NONE of your business."
She raised three of her children and countless neighborhood strays, so she didn’t have time for shenanigans and playing politics. She taught me that being strong and independent means these little games don't have the same effect on you as they do on people who need external validation to feel okay about themselves.
Her wisdom cut through all the noise: You can't control what people think about you, but you can control whether you let their opinions dictate your choices.
Why This Happens in Business Too
The real problem isn't the difficult person—it's your willingness to stay in a dynamic that doesn't serve you.
Here's what most people get wrong: They think the solution is to manage the difficult person better, set firmer boundaries, or communicate more clearly. But sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is walk away from the whole game.
Common mistakes people make in situations like this:
Trying to "fix" the relationship by changing how they communicate
Setting boundaries with people who don't respect boundaries
Staying in toxic dynamics because "that's just how they are"
Believing they're responsible for other people's emotional reactions
The question you should really be asking: Not "How do I handle this better?" but "Why am I choosing to stay in this dynamic at all?"
Meet Someone Who Mastered This
gets it. At three-quarters of a century, she's mastered the art of not playing games that don't serve her. Donna has what she calls a "disconnected mouth muffler"—ask her a question and you'll get an uncensored, straight-talking response.Her life philosophy says it all: "Do your best with what you have and stay unattached to the outcome." She uses poker language as a framework for life lessons, helping people become the "Game Master of Your Mind." And she's not afraid to switch from "velvet-toed boots to steel toes" when someone needs a reality check about the games they're choosing to play.
Donna's proof that when you stop worrying about what other people think and start trusting your own judgment, you get to live life on your own terms, drama-free.
The Secret Advantage of Being Different
And that's the spice I bring to my business. Because doing and being different isn't weird or wrong. It's cutting edge and early adopting.
When you're willing to step away from what everyone else is doing, you get to see opportunities they miss. When you're not busy managing drama or keeping everyone else comfortable, you have energy for innovation. When you trust your instincts over the crowd's opinion, you make better decisions.
The same independence that made me a "troublemaker" in that friend group is exactly what helps me spot trends before they're trends, work with clients who truly fit, and build systems that actually work instead of just looking impressive.
The Energy Shift That Changes Everything
This wasn't about being antisocial or difficult. This was about recognizing that my energy is finite and precious, and I get to choose how I spend it.
Most people spend their lives trying to manage other people's reactions to their choices. But when you flip that script and start making choices based on what actually serves your goals and values, everything changes.
The old way: Manage the drama, keep everyone happy, go along to get along.
The new way: Choose your battles, protect your energy, and align with people who share your values.
What Games Are You Still Playing?
So here's my question for you: What games are you still playing that you don't actually want to win?
Maybe it's the networking groups where you feel like you have to perform. Perhaps the issue lies in industry standards that don't apply to your business. Maybe it's the client relationships where you're constantly managing their emotions instead of delivering great work.
What if the solution isn't getting better at the game, but choosing not to play it at all?
Your Next Steps
Take the alignment assessment: Use my Business Alignment Guide to identify where you might be playing games that don't serve you. Sometimes we're so used to dynamics that we don't even realize we're in them.
Watch the deeper dive: I recorded a video about why not playing the game is actually the smartest business strategy—especially for thoughtful builders who want to do work that matters.
Audit your energy drains: List the relationships, commitments, or expectations that leave you feeling depleted rather than energized. Notice patterns.
Practice strategic distance: You don't owe anyone an explanation for protecting your peace. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is step away quietly.
Ready to Stop Playing Games That Don't Serve You?
If you're tired of managing other people's reactions to your authentic choices and ready to build a business that actually fits your values, let's figure out what that looks like together.
The alignment guide is free, but the real conversation happens when we dig into your specific situation.
Book a thinking session where we can identify what games you're still playing—and design a strategy for stepping into your lane instead.
Well, well, little sister, you got my attention! Lee, I'm honored you mentioned me, and I'm forever grateful that my being Unmuffled is fast becoming the preferred.
Great article! It's apparent it was written with passion, and I know how long it takes to tap publish.